There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
