I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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