Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
