$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Actions speak louder than pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
