Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
