What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There r osticjed everywhere
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
