you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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