yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
