I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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