remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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