I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she told me i tasted like america
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
