guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
