Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
