i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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