don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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