Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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