My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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