Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
