i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
