It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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