His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
