I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
