i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
