Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
