look no pants
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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