its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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