My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
