all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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