Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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