What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
