There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
