I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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