There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
