Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
