Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
