i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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