Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
