I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
