...so i touched it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
