One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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