Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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