We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
