I wish I could punch you in the face.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
