apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
