Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
