I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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