I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
