Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
