why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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