I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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