My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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