he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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