There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
