wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
