im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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