she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
