Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
