Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
