Please, let me fuck your mom
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
