guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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