Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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