haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
