It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
