Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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