I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
