beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
