i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
