Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
