Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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