Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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